Monday, January 7, 2008

And so we wait..

Argh. There are questions, and so we wait. I truly hate to wait at this point. I know that it is the right thing to do.. but it is not easy. A big part of me is screaming 'GO'.. and a much smaller and logical/rational side is whispering 'make an informed decision'. Meanwhile, there is a child waiting on this decision.. and every day that we delay our decision, is a day that the child waits.. and a day that we wait.. and a day that we potentially miss being together.
For those of you out there who battled infertility.. the emotions during this time are a bit like POAS after a looong wait for the right moment.. and then not quite being able to make out the result. Dim the lights, turn it to a 42.5 degree angle, squint your left eye and it looks like a....
Ha.. that comparison just reminded me of fertility forums that I used to be on, and seeing people post photographs of their results b/c they were not sure what they said and they wanted other opinions! That's how I feel - though I require interpretation by someone in a different country and time-zone with no access to internet (omg!).
Anyhow, this might be a female thing.. I don't know. I do know that dh is not stressing over this.. he is calm and just accepting the wait to hear more information. Which, frankly, is not helpful either! You know how it is - when you are feeling the need to obsess over something like this, you want companionship on that road! Oh well. What shall be shall be. I guess it's a good time to put my mind on other things.. like the fact that we are flying to Mexico in a few days, and I am completely unprepared. I'm not sure if any of Maya's summery clothing will work for her, as she seems to be getting taller every day! And I know that her sandals won't fit. ACKACK! I had forgotten shoes!
Ok.. new obsession to concentrate on for a few days. :)


Adoption Blog said...

Oh Dear Amy, I am sorry to hear about that! Yes I had to smile at your comments re are so right! Old memories!

I guess this is what men
do... "pretend" not to worry, and then burry themselves in a newspaper, book or work...we need to talk about it, killing ourselves with what ifs and boring others with these "what if's".

I am glad you have another project...your vacation. You are lucky to be able to find the sun. Here in Luxembourg November and January are the WORST months of the year. Gray, cold, wet..yak! Depressing!

Will write you a private email soon.

Hang in there!



Amanda said...

Sorry to hear that you have had to wait for more information. I will be praying for a clear answer for you so your family can move forward.

Pam said...

So sorry to hear that you are going through this right now. The wait for information is always the worst thing ever. If you at least knew the answers, the ball would be in your court.
Been down the infertility road...definately puts an interesting cast on the entire process I agree.
Praying you find your answers soon.

Kristi said...

I'm praying for you guys during this time. We had an agonizing two weeks of waiting to make a decision on Daya's referral. My dh and I could not agree. And then finally God spoke to him and we were on to the next phase. That was a HARD two weeks. But you've been through it before to and I'm sure you will make the best decision for your family. Have fun on your vacation! I'm so jealous!


Julie & Patrick said...

This is one of the hardest parts about this process...I think we all understand it and applaud your patience in being totally without reservation and knowledgeable about the bond you are about to enter. The answers will come.

Funny...we went to Mexico at this point in our process too! Great place to clear your head...a little sun never hurt anyone...jealous, jealous :)

Julie R

Nadra said...

Amy....praying that God will give you a very clear yes or a very clear no. I know it's of the hardest parts. Just know that many of us have been there and completely understand the need to "talk it to death" my sweet Charlie tells me. But, that's what mommy's do.

Sending you hugs!!

And some hope that you'll find sandals in the middle of winter in Colorado. :)