Looking Back

It has been such a long time since the last blog post! So much has happened.. where to begin?
Thanksgiving was great.. we had a nice (albeit L O N G) trip and saw both of our families. Maya had a great time visiting her cousins (and everyone else.. but the cousins were the highlight!). After returning from that trip, we hosted a fun holiday party. Unfortunately the weather was crap that day - we had several inches of snow and the roads were terrible.. so not the complete turnout that we anticipated.. but still quite fun. We collected Toys For Tots at the party and were able to fill a large box with donations, which was nice.
Not long after returning from our Journey to Thanksgiving, we embarked on Christmas Travels 2007. Why do we do this to ourselves? I don't know. Yes I do. We like to travel with our dog (I say 'we', I mean 'dh'). I love the dog, but I HATE super-long car rides.
It has been a great trip so far though.. we stopped in Cinci to visit some friends (we lived in Cinci prior to our move 3 years ago) for a night. It was so nice to see them - I miss you guys so much!! We then continued on to my hometown.. and here we are. Lots to do in preparation for Xmas.. plus my brother just graduated from college (congrats!! and PHEW! haha). We tried to make it to his commencement, but a snowstorm delayed us a couple of days and we missed it. :( We're planning a little post-grad celebration on the 26th to make up for it. :)

On 12/11, I celebrated one year of HEALTH! It was a happy and sad day.. the anniversary of my surgery which turned out to be the closing chapter of my battle with infertility. It was the end of years and years of pain and sickness and huge medical expenses.. but also the end to years of charting, procedures, injections, pills, patches, close relationships with REs and RE staff, POAS, hopes and prayers, devastation and tears. I don't think anyone who has not traveled that road would understand the turmoil of emotions resulting from this experience. Years of dealing with this - years of keeping hope alive through disappointment after disappointment.. it is a very difficult journey to end. Years of chatting with friends met on web forums who are in the same situation (one of whom I now am very good 'live' friends with!), whom I had to stop chatting with because my journey took a different direction. I could not visit any type of fertility-related site or blog after the surgery. I still can't do it. It opens up wounds that are just below the surface and haven't been completely healed yet. Will they ever be? I don't know. It's ok .. as my life has taken a path that I know is right for me and for my family. Don't get me wrong (though if you've been down this road, you likely understand completely). I love the process of adoption - I could not possibly love Maya more than I do, and I never think of her as anything but MY DAUGHTER. The grief is more for the lack of the experience of being pregnant. The unfulfilled instinct I guess. And maybe the issue with lack of control. Something that comes so naturally to most women.. for some reason was not in the cards for me. Not for lack of trying, for sure. It's so weird being unable to achieve something when you have achieved everything else in life that you have worked hard and aspired to do. It just seems so darn unfair.
Anyhow.. the anniversary of the surgery also brought a huge sense of relief to us, as we (mostly dh, as I was on major painkillers) had a big cancer scare at the time. The surgeons found and removed a large tumor from my colon during the surgery - something that had been making me very sick, but had not shown up on ANY CT or u/s tests. The general surgeon who was called in to perform the tumor removal and associated surgery (removed a few things that were feared to be affected by the cancer.. if it was cancer) was so sure that the tumor was cancerous that he could not look me in the eye when I asked him questions about it after the surgery. My gyn surgeon was so upset that she held my hand when she discussed it with me. She didn't seem like the hand-holding type. Poor Aj was completely devastated and out of his mind for a couple of days until the path results came in - negative! It was an endometriosis tumor. In a form that neither of my surgeons had ever seen or expected.
Alls well that ends well. The tumor was another proof that the surgery was very necessary and timely. It could have caused devastating effects on my health had it remained much longer and grown any larger. It had already caused me one trip to the ER (and they could not figure it out.. sigh).
One of my points in writing this is that if anyone reading this ever feels strongly that something is wrong with their health and they are not getting the care and attention they feel is necessary - GET ANOTHER DOCTOR!! My allowing doctors to blow me off and put things off for 'a year or more', etc.. led to this situation. My belief that maybe my doctor was correct when she told me that she had no reason to believe that I had endometriosis, though I had EVERY symptom that is listed for the disease, led to years of unnecessary suffering - and the early end to my fertility. Be your own health advocate!!!

www.endometriosiszone.org
www.fertilityfriend.com

Journey to Thanksgiving 2007

Thought I'd better try to post a quick blog update, as I don't think I'll have any time to do so in the next week or two. I'm very behind on emailing my friends.. sorry friends!
Soo.. Diwali was fun - Maya had a great time at the show. I'm glad it was very dark in the theater - as we were up in a balcony box just in front of the stage, and she was getting into the music and scream-singing 'Labba' songs in accompaniment! Yikes. Of course her family thought it was cute, but the other 2 couples sharing our box were likely not as thrilled. The show seemed to spur her into two separate bowel movements also.. which was quite exciting for all closeby. Very exciting for mom and dad, as the restrooms were up 3 flights of stairs, through a lobby area, and back down 3 more flights of stairs (elevator only on the right side of the balcony.. not the left, and no way to access the right from the left). Note to self: Do NOT purchase seats on the left tower balcony EVER again.

So tomorrow we embark on {insert drum roll please}: Journey to Thanksgiving 2007. I have given this trip a name b/c it seems to deserve one.
We will be traveling via SUV with toddler and lab in-tow. We'll drive all day tomorrow, stop for the night, drive all day Saturday, stop for 3 nights to visit my family, drive a few hours in order to visit my sister, drive a few hours more to arrive at our final destination in Michigan. All of the in-law family will be in MI.. so it should be quite the fun time! We will stay for 3 days and then load-up again and drive to Chicago.. spend the day and night helping my brother on his condo-buying trip (he is graduating from college in a few weeks and starting an awesome job in Chicago soon).. and then spend the next 2 days driving back home.
Good GOD. I'm guessing there may be many cocktails in the midst of the driving... or prescription medication. And DEFINITELY many Starbux stops.
{Btw.. thanks in advance to my housesitters.. feel free to shovel the driveway if that snowstorm hits as predicted!;))

On a HUGE up-note.. found out today that mom's tests did not show any 'hot spots'.. so no chemo right now! Merry Xmas to mom!! {and a very relieved exhale from all of us} There is definitely a lot to be thankful for this Thanksgiving!
No news yet on our referral, for all of you who are wondering. The orphanage director was actually here locally the past couple of weeks, and just flew back to India a day or two ago. We are hoping that once she arrives back in Kolkata, maybe we will hear something! :) Wishful thinking..

And one little anecdote from the week..
I accidentally drugged my husband this week. Yes - I promise - it WAS an accident!!! No worries.. he is fine. Now. Heehee.. Really it wasn't a big deal, but it was sooo funny. He had a cold, and asked me to get him some cold meds. He was getting ready to walk out the door to get our plates renewed. So I grabbed the first box that I saw and gave him a couple of pills. He took them and left. About an hour later he returned and immediately went to sleep. This was ~10 am. He slept until 4 pm when I woke him up to see what in the world he was still doing in bed!! Heee.. oops.. turns out that I gave him nighttime cold meds. And he is VERY susceptible to that type of drug, obviously. Poor guy.. had to drink some major caffeine and stay up most of the night to catch up with his work. Oops. {note to self in case I ever want to take a little shopping trip with no nagging.. ;)}

Well, better finish packing. HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO YOU! Gobble Gobble Gobble

Happy Diwali!

{..a day early due to a hectic schedule tomorrow!}
Of all the festivals celebrated in India, Diwali is the most glamorous one.
Homes are decorated with lighted lamps to create a magical atmosphere of joy and festivity. Diwali celebrations in India are similar to Christmas celebrations in the USA. In the north, Diwali is celebrated for king Rama's return after his epic war with Ravana, the demon king of Lanka. In the south, legend concerns the victory of good over evil. Narakasura, the demon of hell, challenged Krishna for a battle. After a fierce fight lasting two days, the demon was killed.
One of the biggest festivals of Hindus, Diwali is celebrated with lots of enthusiasm and happiness. This festival is celebrated for five continuous days, with the third day being celebrated as the main Diwali or as 'Festival of Lights'. Fireworks are always associated with this festival. The day is celebrated with people lighting diyas, candles all around their house. Lakshmi Puja is performed in the evening to seek divine blessings of Goddess of Wealth.
Every year, our local Indian community joins together to put up a show with songs and dances highlighting the rich cultural heritage of India. The performance features Indian classical, folk and modern dances along with beautifully performed live music covering many, many years of Indian history.
We'll be joining them this year - our first celebration as a family. We are looking forward to this new family tradition! I'm on my way to pick up my MIL, who has flown in for the occasion.
May the light of joy and prosperity shine on you this Diwali and throughout the coming year!
{Thx to diwalifestival.org for contributing to this blog post}